Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Acid is not a monday night drug
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
