you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
I see more hoeing in ur future
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