So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize
