Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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