Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
