she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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