don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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