we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
