I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
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