i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Randomize
