Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
