I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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