Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
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