I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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