my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Randomize
