I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
