So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
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