WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
