can we get nightvision for the apartment?
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
