honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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