I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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