I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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