he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
