Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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