It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Randomize
