im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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