I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
