I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
