Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
