I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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