i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
