The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
