Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
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