She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
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