Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Randomize
