i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
