WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
