we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
