they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
