you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
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