I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
