fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
