I skipped work to stalk him.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
