omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
