I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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