Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
