what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
