I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
