What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
So much Jack, so little girl.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Randomize
