if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
whose ass print is on the piano?
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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