i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
