Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
