I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
